Ten Signs That You Are In A Tragedy, And What To Do Next

1. You have a bad feeling about this, but somebody tells you not to worry, so you don't.

2. You are very foolish. This is sad.

3. You spurn logical, helpful idea, insisting that your situation is irreparable, and stubbornly, wholeheartedly committing yourself to “fate”.

4. Your name is very important to you.

5. You are angry. Generally.

6. Society oppresses you.

7. Somebody questions your honour. This is an outrage.

8. You find that you talk a lot about your soul.

9. Everything is either the most wonderful thing that has ever happened, or the most terrible thing that has ever happened. All emotions are overpowering.

10. There is an interesting violation of “the norm”. You decide to involve yourself in it.

So you're in a tragedy. You're slightly concerned that things might start to go a bit downhill in a minute, since some abstract symbolism has foreshadowed imminent doom. Now what?

1. I would say “don't worry”, but you probably should worry a little bit.

2. Try to avoid weird-smelling or weird-looking drinks in little glass bottles.

3. Distance yourself from the slightly mad, slightly we're-all-going-to-die type person who keeps stirring up trouble. If that person is you, maybe talk to somebody about it.

4. Stop jumping to conclusions.

5. Also stop making rash decisions. Make yourself a nice cup of herbal tea, sit down for a bit, and think it all through.

6. If you start to see ghosts, or apparitions, you may need to get help. Avoid monologues to skulls.

7. Wine is not your friend. You do stupid things when you're sober, let alone when you're drunk.

8. Honestly, there is no blood on your hand. So relax.

9. Remember that it's actually not at all normal to be so fixated on one thing that you would sacrifice everything else for it. Get some perspective; it will do you a lot of good …

10. All in all, you just need get a grip. And try not to die.

See also: Ten Signs That You Are In A... Comedy, Musical