Hades Reviews London Landmarks
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London, beware. Hades has arrived – and he’s reviewing our landmarks, one fiery judgment at a time. Check out his Flame Ratings below.
**Piccadilly Circus –** *An acceptable blaze. Bit commercial. 4/5 🔥*
All those flashing lights? Please. I’ve been illuminating the underworld for centuries. Still, mild chaos and lost souls? Not bad.
**The Shard –** *Looks like a cursed crystal. Big fan. 5/5 🔥*
This jagged monstrosity looks like it was designed by a vengeful sorcerer. I love it. Would absolutely install one in the Underworld.
**Big Ben –** *Tick tick boom. I set it 6 hours behind for fun. 3/5 🔥*
Nothing says power like controlling time. I turned it six hours behind just to mess with commuters. Iconic.
**The Tower of London –** *So many ghosts, so little time. 5/5 🔥*
Ah, the ghosts! Centuries of betrayal, beheadings, bad decisions. A spiritual paradise. I felt right at home.
**The London Eye –** *Too slow. Turned it into a fireball. 2/5 🔥*
Waited forty minutes for a spin that felt like watching lava harden. Tempted to flick it round like a spinning top in retaliation.
**Camden Market –** *Chaos. Screaming. Delicious. 4.5/5 🔥*
This place is my aesthetic. Screaming, smoke, questionable food stalls. I handed out flaming falafel and no one blinked.
**The Natural History Museum –** *Bones. My vibe. 5/5 🔥*
So many bones! I reanimated the dinosaur skeletons for a little run around. Security was unimpressed. Moi? Delighted.
**Buckingham Palace –** *Stately. Overrated. Needs more lava. 1/5 🔥*
Fancy, but it could really use some lava features. I made the fountains bubble ominously just for fun.
**St Paul’s Cathedral –** *Echoes nicely when I scream into the void. 4/5 🔥*
Beautiful dome. Very tasteful.
**Hyde Park –** *Too green. Fixed it. 2.5/5 🔥*
Too much grass, not enough brimstone. I scorched a summoning circle and had a picnic. Pedalos reminded me of rowing across the River Styx. Ah, homesickness is real.
**Oxford Street –** *Peak mortal suffering. A strong 5/5 🔥*
A thousand stressed shoppers in one place? Delicious suffering. I fed the flames of consumer chaos.
**Theatre Royal Drury Lane –** *Now this is real estate. Haunted AND historic, 6/5 🔥*
This place gets me. A haunted structure whith fabulous pillars and a massive underbelly, perfect for storing souls and show tunes. Also, I hear there’s a decent musical playing.
**Other West End shows –** *Frankly? Overrated. 3/5 🔥*
Mortals doing jazz hands. Ugh, please! Except *Disney's The Lion King*, which has flair, treachery, drama, and actual royalty. Will be sending flowers to Uncle Scar’s dressing room.